I really hate to admit this but, I resent Scarlett.
There. I said it. Maybe that is why the Scarletts in my life dodge me. Maybe they can feel 
it. It really isn’t fair, I mean, Scarlett can’t help how direct, short tempered and passionate she is. No more than Snow White can help how patient, accommodating and sweet she is. How do these love sabotage patterns hold us back from happiness?
Why is it that our very natures bug each other and cause all kinds of relationship drama?
It all starts years ago where all Saboteurs are born, during the teen age years. Young women are thrust into the crazy social whirlwind of junior high when they are painfully ill equipped to deal with each other. Raging insecurity rules the day and even the girls who LOOK like they have it going on, struggle with low self esteem.
The time between 13 and 23 is bone chillingly painful for most women. Girls are mean to each other. I remember watching my daughter go through some terrible times during those years. Seeing her struggle pulled the strings of my own ancient history.
Ironically, many of us start ACTING like the girls that we think are more acceptable than we are and that ‘false’ self is at the heart of today’s Love Sabotage habits. There is nothing harder than projecting a persona that is not your real self. So why do I resent Scarlett?
I was so jealous of the beautiful, confident and dramatic Scarletts that were popular in my high school. I was way outside the in crowd and felt invisible. I think that is why I became a chameleon. I was desperate to be accepted. Now I know how very much we all have in common and I am determined to be my real self no matter what.
I also realize that it isn’t Scarlett that I resent. Scarlett is just a shadowy figure that some girls put on to protect their tender hearts. I realize that each of us only want one thing….to be loved and accepted.
Here are 5 lessons, words to the wise, from Scarlett herself:
1. I am not mean! You just let people get away with murder! You are so nice to everyone even the ones who are mean to you and treat you like dirt. Don’t be afraid of hurting people’s feelings. If something is not right, speak up. You are the one who teaches other people how to treat you. (Thanks Dr. Phil) I only look mean because you don’t understand me.
2. Don’t be upset if some people don’t like you. I don’t waste one red hot second worried that some people don’t like me. I know who my friends are and I don’t care that some people don’t get me. You try so hard to get everyone to like you and that seems fake to me. I may not like it all the time, but I respect people being real with me. No one can be that sweet all the time.
3. Don’t try to be like me. Be yourself. Secretly I envy how easy going you are. I know I am sharp and abrupt sometimes but that is only when I am fried. Once I set a goal I go full throttle after what I want. I don’t mean to bowl people over, it is just my passion and determination to move forward that drives me. Speak your mind to me and don’t fudge. I appreciate that more than you know! (see #5 below)
4. I am softer inside than you would ever guess. I have been misunderstood my whole life. It hurts my feelings when women gang up against me and think I am mean. It is really hard for me to be seen as weak and wishy washy. I am not good at asking for what I need and sometimes I cut off friends before they cut me out. I get hurt way easier than anyone knows. Try to see my side of things and don’t try to change me.
5. I more insecure than you know, I just don’t show it. If I hurt your feelings, here is what to do. I get really lonely and I want to feel connected. If you say this to me, I have a better chance of hearing your heart. “I know you care for me and you would never intentionally hurt me, but when you__________________________________, I felt disconnected from you and I value our friendship.” Even though I have a take no prisoners attitude about most things, I do treasure my close friends and they know the real me.
Bottom line?
The most successful relationships happen when people are REAL. I know that is no surprise, but walking it out can be tricky. I LOVE Scarlett!! I need her sass and spark. I used to resent her because I didn’t understand why I didn’t fit into her crowd. Knowing how insecure she is some times helps me understand her and I can stop trying to change her to fit my expectations.
