“I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I stare at the cell phone hoping
he will call. What’s wrong with me?”
Why do break ups hit so hard and take so long to get over?
In the weeks and months following your break up, if you struggle to move on, you just might be experiencing Post
Romantic Stress Disorder. Here are some signs:
1. Checking his Facebook updates to see who is posting on his wall.
2. Thinking about him night and day.
3. Picking at your appearance or your personality, blaming yourself for not being good enough to keep him.
4. Difficulty concentrating at work or school.
5. Isolating from family and friends.
I once broke up with a great guy (I used to say “HE broke up with me, but I turned that around once I finally got over him!). I definitely had PRSD. He “lived” in my mind. I was determined to move on (after he disappeared and I hadn’t heard from him in months). I tried everything. Even though the relationship was very brief, I had fallen deeply into lust with him and couldn’t shake myself out of it.
Now don’t get me wrong….Lust can be a very juicy kind of love for many of us. Certainly true for me. My Heart Breaker came at the end of a very tired marriage in the middle of a divorce. While he wasn’t the healthiest bulb in the emotional chandelier, he was like fireworks for me. I felt beautiful again and desirable…both nice assets for a gal turning 50.
When he disappeared after 8 hot weeks filled with sexting (there wasn’t even a name in 2001) from afar, I was broken hearted. Eventually, after the sting went away, I was able to imagine a scene in my mind where I was the one that broke it off with him. I created a dialog with him that went something like this:
Me: Hi T.
Him: (Moving closer on the couch)
Me: I want to tell you that I have really enjoyed our time together.
Him: (Sipping his beer)
Me: I want to also thank you for the fun we’ve had…it was great!
Him: (Looking at me now)
Me: I wish you the best of luck!
Him: But I like hanging out with you…..
Me: I know that but we aren’t really a good fit and I am ready to move on.
Him: (Looking a bit stunned) Are you sure?
Me: Yep…..
Him: (Walks me to the door, hugs me warmly and watches as I walk away)
Me: (Refused to look back to see if he was looking. Walked away with my head high and a Big Smile on my face)
I replayed the scene in my mind MY WAY and adjusted the details over and over for a couple of weeks. Amazingly, I was finally able to put him behind me. It may seem overly simplistic. But it worked. Finally.
Little did I realize all these years later that I would find a real live Neuroscientist to help me understand that this was not all in my MIND. What? Yes…it is true. Breaking up triggers a flood of shocking brain chemicals that can control your emotional well-being. Curious?
There are is some fascinating research appearing that is helping singles get over Lost Lust or Lost Love or whatever you want to call those phantoms from the past. The parts of the brain that dictate your fight or flight reactions are keeping you single.
Is there really a Post Romantic Stress Disorder?
For many the answer is a resounding YES. When this term popped into my mind, it fit my audience perfectly. If you are struggling to move on…there is hope! If reading this article sparks your curiosity, you might have a bit of PRSD going on for yourself. Here are 3 quick ideas to help you recover:
1. Be Honest: If you are suffering from a breakup that happened a year or more ago, just admit to yourself how long it has been. If he was going to come back (which probably is not such a hot idea anyway) he would have by now.
You can’t get anywhere if you don’t know where you are starting from. Find a friend, even a cyberfriend will do, and ‘fess up. Once you realize how much time has gone by, you may get the inner nudge you need to get over it and move on.
2. Be Willing: There is nothing more powerful than your willigness. It is more important than the Law of Attraction. Yes you read correctly. You can read and practice all the LOA stuff you want and if you are UNWILLING to do what it takes to change your vibration, mood or mindset, you will seal yourself into singleness.
Willingness is simple but not easy. It takes discipline to tap into it. Start today by saying, “I am willing to consider moving on. I am willing to do what it takes to feel better. I am willing to give myself what I need to be truly happy.”
3. Be Kind: To yourself. I know a part of you feels like an idiot. You lost your mind (those pesky brain numbing chemicals had you chasing your tail) and you gave your heart to someone who didn’t know what to do with it. True enough, but beating yourself up about it is flat out mean.
You did the best you could. When that Love Chemical Cocktail hit you, you scrambled and fought your way back. Being kind to yourself as you recover is critical. Choose one thing everyday that is an act of kindness TO YOURSELF. This is a tiny step but I guarantee it will lift your spirits!
PRSD is real. Give yourself a break!! You can overcome your Post Romantic Stress and learn to be ready for love again. However, you must make the decision to be happy. The entire Universe is waiting for you to make that decision. Are you?
