I don’t know about you, but I am tired of hearing how bad things are on the news. Everywhere you turn there is some one parceling out another dose of doomsday thinking about the economy. Sheesh….it is hard for a romantic to keep her pink bubble in flight!
When I saw the book “Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men And Women Cope Differently with Stress” by John Gray, I snatched it up immediately. After leafing through and reading a couple of pages, I felt a wave of compassion hit me, went to find my husband and gave him a big hug, bless him!
Not one of us is easy when under stress, not even sunshiney me.
Here is a passage from the introduction:
“The more aware we are of our natural differences, the more tolerant we become when and if those differences show up. Instead of thinking, What’s wrong with my partner? you are able to ponder what is wrong with the way you are approaching her. Instead of concluding that your partner is purposely being inconsiderate, you can at least feel some comfort knowing that he is oblivious or clueless. Accepting our differences can immediately lighten up our relationships.”
This is what I know for sure: I want romance and love in my life and I am not going to let the economic melt down stop me. I love the concepts in this book. I am eager to learn how stress impacts men because I think it will help me understand my husband and be more patient with him.
I also need to handle my own stress with love and self compassion. Uncertainty is tough for me and my career is challenging me to stay balanced and preserve time for relaxation, playtime and romance. I have workaholic tendencies and love what I do and my old ways of “work a little harder and a little longer” are adding to my stress level. I know I have a lot to learn too.
What about you? Stress interfering with YOUR romantic life? Did you say. “What romantic life?” I get it! Here we are in a place where a warm hug and snuggling in front of the fire would be exactly what the doctor ordered and yet we are so stressed out, we look at each other like the enemy!!
Here is an invitation for you! Head over to your area bookstore and buy this book. I am going to be reading and commenting on it and would LOVE your company. Let’s be patient with one another and see if we can mine some relationship gold in the dark times we face!
Where there is a will, there is a way and I say MORE LOVE is what to focus on!! You two have made it through a lot of hairy stuff over the years, let’s move into a new level of togetherness in spite of our differences!!
Can you relate? How is stress impacting YOUR relationship?
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I agree that the majority of miscommunication & misunderstanding in relationships are based on the fact that we don’t understand how our partner manages stress. I think John Gray hits the nail on the head with understanding your partners methods of dealing with stress.
Appreciation is the key. When we appreciate our partner for what they are doing, putting in a full day, coming home on time, sharing dinner with the family, helping fold the laundry, spending quality time with the kids….. They will do it more.
Keep up the great work!
I was compelled to reply about that quote by Gray…
It is completely absurd to simply be aware of our differences in order to be tolerant of them. What should we be tolerant of – the differences, or the partner? They’re indistinguishable in this context. Therefore, you could read the same statement as, “Once we’re aware of our partner’s differences, we can then tolerate our partner,” and that can last only so long before exploding. Allow me to explain…
Tolerance in general is tantamount to sealing down the lid of a boiling pot of water and hoping the pressure never causes an explosion. That is no way to live. It’s more important to be focused on why those differences trigger a response “within” us so we can take steps to “move ourselves off of the stove.” That’s really where the offense takes place – in the heart – NOT in the partner’s uniqueness.
It may seem like your partner isn’t stressing as much or seems apathetic toward a particular circumstance, but if you value your relationship, you must trust that your partner “has your back,” even though his/her reaction to the situation may seem negligible.
That is why, within your heart, you must establish an acceptable baseline response from your partner, and when that’s met, honor it in your heart, and let your heart not be troubled anymore by that emotional response.