Not even now.
Yes, I have found a man who is more that I ever hoped for and yes, I am ridiculously happy these days but truth be told, I live very carefully most of the time. The age old thought habit driving the need to be perfect is a tough one to overcome.
I am challenged this day to examine that position. Do I really believe that no one is 
trustworthy? Where did that belief come from. Hmmmm. Yes, there have been a few disappointments along the way. And yes, a few people I thought were solid as the rock of Gibraltar had feet of clay but in their humanity, weren’t their errors in judgment right in line with who they were at the moment?
I have had my share of disappointments with people and with life in general but looking back, I have to admit that even the worse of scenarios all worked themselves out in time.
I wonder what trust looks like. I wonder if I can learn to perceive it differently. If I allow that my past experiences were simply the playing out of various circumstances as they happened and that life did not have an agenda to harm me, perhaps I can reconsider my former beliefs.
What if I could trust that life itself has a natural tendency to balance out over time. That even the toughest of times end up fading away and dissipating in the fogginess of memory and maturity.
What if trust is simply allowing life to be, a process of incredible diversity and synchronicity?
What if we are to trust the unfolding of time and not the people populating that time?
If we are all in the same boat….trying to make the best of the circumstances surrounding us, maybe trusting the natural progression of events is the only kind of trust that matters. It is nice to think that a human being, especially a dearly loved one, will not error and hurt us but alas, we all hurt someone we love eventually, no matter how hard we try to be perfect partners.
If I learn to trust the natural unfolding of events, I see that surprising things always appear when things look the darkest. Trusting the process of life rather than the people in life feels safer to me. After all, I am still here to write about it. I haven’t met the insurmountable problem or person yet.
Maybe life is trustworthy in an of itself.
Hmmm…..
xoxoxo
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Hi Catherine,
I still meditate on trust using the simple phrase “I trust” – I on the inhale, trust on the exhale.
In my younger years I did not trust – for “good” reason. I felt betrayed and victimized and the result was clearly – do not trust.
Over time I have come to trust people to be who they are – to be people. In each moment I fully trust people to be “imperfect” if you want to call it that, although I see people as whole, even when they are abhorrent. They just don’t know they’re whole, which is why they engage in behaviors that hurt.
I suppose the fact that I’ve been on both sides of the coin and I made a major life change I can say that anyone can.
We can trust that all people have the same opportunity – to find their own sense of center, worth, purpose, and passion. It’s there, inside just waiting. The more we trust that people can find it the more trust vibes we’re sending out to be received by all…
Much love,
Amy
Thanks so much Amy and Nan for taking the time to leave your thoughts! I am encouraged when I know that the ideas that are coming through me are resonating with like minded souls!!
I think I will trust the Universe a little bit more…things are really getting pretty magical around here!!
Catherine