When do you go outside your comfort zone to accommodate the man you love? As a Snow White I am stretched to the max in exactly this scenario. I remember one particularly difficult experience
I had been married for 5 years. My husband had a personal family issue that was challenging him deeply. Looking back now that he is an ex, I can see his pressure to comply was a yellow…make that red flag that I overlooked.
Even though I am on the periphery of all of the drama, because it was meaningful to my husband, I went outside my comfort zone to accommodate him. And that doesn’t feel so good.
When I got home after a two hours of dealing with his issue, my throat, chest and jaws were throbbing. It is for sure energetically costly for me to be doing this. I am choosing consciously though, I am not at all comfortable. And yet, being there for my husband felt right at the time.
Life is heart breaking. It just is. As a Snow White, being mad is really hard. It is easier for me to write it for sure. That is why I pour out my heart in my writing. Writing helps me vent and learn how to manage recovery from heart break. That really is the missing link, you know, heart break recovery….not heart break avoidance.
I have another issue that really pisses me off. (Even to write this is hard for my bleepity bleep Snow White sensibilities) My best friend is a busy physician who is in a new job and newly married. I am not in the top three of her priorities. I deal with that fairly well. But, this weekend, I needed her. She didn’t return my call.
When I found out that another friend, a flaming Scarlett, sees her more often than I do because she bullies her way into my friend’s life unbidden, I was hurt. I have been…..I have compromised so much in my life because of my hoping that people would naturally prioritize me. That somehow they would know telepathically what I needed to hear to feel heard. My sweet Snow White nature has tied my life in knots.
When I was young, I always thought that it was the other people who made me feel so awful. The pressure in my ears and jaw and the ache in my chest and throat is real. Being with certain combinations of people is wearing. I love being home. I love being in my own home. My jaw is starting to relax. I am feeling better and better. EFT is my magic elixer.
Fear and anxiety always have roots. They are never free floating balloons that drop into your awareness out of the blue. They are actually rooted in your very cells. Your brain produces chemicals that imprint upon the cells reactions of shocking and painful events. Life cruelly causes some women to endure years of shocking and painful events.
Once that foundation has been laid, it controls the decision making when it comes to relationships and love. Avoiding pain becomes the singular mission. Underdeveloped parts of the personality become frozen in time as low level emotional pain continues to smolder in past traumatic breakups. I still freeze when in extreme stress…words will not come out.
Ladies, whenever you get a fear or anxiety reaction to something, your body will be doing something. Picking up on these physical signs will help you keep your intuition engaged. When your intuition is engaged, you can handle anything. When your body is in fight or flight, your intuition is turned off. You are being driven by your instincts which are only survival focused.
At the end of the day, there will always be times that you must go outside your comfort zone to accommodate your partner. Each Saboteur style has challenges in this area, but if you make a plan and anticipate these stresses, you can make it easier to navigate these choppy waters.
Snow White, you must say no in balance to your yeses. If you are in a relationship where your man is involved with his own children or his ex in law family, go to the events that you really want to go to. Be clear with your man that there are times you will gracefully decline. There will be times that you will love spending time doing your own thing while your man is doing his family thing. Your man will come into tune with you when you are true to yourself first.
Scarlett, having clear cut expectations with your man and his family requirements is critical. Scarlett will withdraw from her contacts when stressed. You can’t keep everybody happy and if you are not careful, one pushy family member can hijack your time and throw your relationships out of balance. You will feel much more comfortable if you take time off from your man and his clan 25% of the time.
Rapunzel, you may have the same kinds of physical discomfort as Snow White. Being with large crowds, noisy groups or unfamiliar people is very draining. Natural confidence needs to be bolstered because of the constancy of the stress.
Rapunzel would be well served to take a walk outside every hour or so when visiting her man’s family. Getting peace and quiet for yourself will refresh and restore you. You have great wit and people enjoy you and that feels good. Watch for telltale warnings of aching in your jaw or ears or possible squeezing in your upper chest and throat. These are signs you need a break.
Anxious right now? Feeling angry or upset? I was tonight facing my husbands family drama. My throat tightens up and hurts right now thinking about it. I am much kinder to myself when I remind myself that my feelings have a root. I know that I can tap, write or use other techniques to break the pressure.
Ready to move on for good? Try the Breakup Cleanse
