“Why Don’t Men Want Me?”

Diana hates her birthday.

Now that she is 39 for the last time and 45 is around the corner, she is tired of being a good sport. “I never thought I would still be single,” she wailed to no one in particular. Living alone had become a nightmare and the reality that children were not likely stabbed through her like a knife.

“Why did I ruin it?” she sobbed, “He wasn’t that bad. I thought he was The One at first. He was really into me. But the minute I started to talk about marriage, everything completely changed.” She began to cry uncontrollably. “He was my last chance, I just know it.”

This birthday was really painful. Last year she had taken Todd home and introduced him to her family. He didn’t want to be called a ‘boyfriend’ but she chose to ignore that. SHE knew that he was, even if he didn’t say so. She had waited almost 6 months before approaching the Commitment Talk. He pulled away faster than the D.C. metro. And now…she was alone….again.

Diana glanced at her voice mail….10 messages. She couldn’t bring herself to listen to all the birthday greetings. She hated her birthday and every year, as she kissed her dreams good by, it got worse plus time kept getting faster and faster.

Is it too late for Diana?

Unless she does something to change her attitude, yes. Harsh? Maybe. Honest? Yes. Diana has put so much pressure on herself to manifest a husband and family that she broadcasts a desperate vibe that is turning every prospect away. She thinks she can put on a happy face and ‘act as if’ she is fine but she is not fooling anybody.

What would I tell her if she asked me? I would remind her of the meaning of insanity….doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result each time. I would ask her a few important questions like these:

1. Did you have a boyfriend that broke your heart in high school?

2. Has anyone ever cheated on you?

3. Was your dad cruel or manipulative or absent?

4. Did a male teacher belittle you or humiliate you in public?

5. Have you been raped or beaten?

If Diana answered yes to any of these questions I would tell her this: Those past experiences left an imprint on you that is here right now as strong as it ever was. Memories with painful emotions attached to them are controlling your every move when it comes to choosing the men you allow to get close to you.

Find someone to help you release these painful imprints. Whether it is a pastor, a counselor, a coach or other mentor, don’t try to do this alone.

If your microwave is on the blink, you don’t take a screwdriver to it, take it apart, rebuild it and put it back together, do you?

Why do you think you can find your own problem, take yourself apart and then rebuild your heart by yourself? If you are REALLY serious about finding a soul mate and building a family, there is one thing you absolutely must do.

You must do something, no make that everything, differently than you have so far. If marriage has eluded you, face the music and change course. Don’t let the painful memories from the past stop you from finding True Love.

Once you set a new course, get the marching orders from someone able to help you and then move forward….you will find what you are looking for. I promise.

Do you ever wonder if it is too late for you? Did you answer “yes” to any of those questions? If so, I would love to support you. Go to http://EndLoveSabotage.com and take the survey.  Once upon a time, you believed that True Love was possible, let’s restore that dream.

 

 

 

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7 thoughts on ““Why Don’t Men Want Me?”

  1. Excellent article, Catherine! You are so right about this process NOT being a DIY possibility. I’m so thankful for your help! You’ve changed my life.
    Warm wishes,
    Rosey Dow

  2. Hey Rosey,

    Thanks for stopping by! As you know, I so respect your perspective. Your profiling has completely changed my focus and I am meeting the most wonderful, passionate and magical soul mates in waiting! Thanks for everything!

  3. Love the article, Catherine. There is never a good time for the TALK. That’s not how men (or women for that matter) work. You cannot talk a man (or a woman) into marriage. If you ever feel the need to initiate the TALK, then you are doing something wrong. Instead of initiating the TALK, change your behavior and thereby change the dynamic of your relationship. Todd could have been the one if only Diana had acted differently. Had she waited another six months and had a full life of her own instead of acting needy and being worried about Tood’s commitment to her, he might have been the one to beg her to marry him.

  4. Thanks Brit….

    How’s Helsinki? Thanks for your comments. I agree with you. I think some women are so afraid of marrying the wrong guy…after all the disappointments in the past, they just put too much pressure on everything in the budding relationship. Lots of my clients get scared when the first crush rush of chemistry changes. I am excited about what your science is revealing about what women can do to make better decisions when it comes to love!

  5. Helsinki is beautiful and sunny, and the people here are very sweet… Yeah, imagine the opposite situation. A guy that you, admittedly, is very much into has no life independently of you. All he can focus on is you you you. If you want to go shopping with a girlfriend, he wants to come along. He hurries up and introduces you to his parents. Then after a few months he sits you down and asks “so, where is this going? I would like to know, because I am getting old and I don’t want to waste my time”. Would you stick around? Probably not. You probably would lose all interest in him. If he feels he is wasting his time waiting for you, then he isn’t really into you, right? He is into the idea of being married and having children. Who fills the role doesn’t really matter. If you say “no”, then he will just find someone else. Not a nice thought.

    OK, off to do the brain scans…

  6. I can answer yes to #’s 1, 3, and 5. My first crush in highschool broke up with me in the cruelest way-he had his best friend call and tell me that David(not his real name) did not want to date me anymore because he realized on our 1st date that I was not as pretty as he thought I was when we first met. I remember the day before, going to get my hair cut, my nails done for the first time, and carefully shopping for the perfect outfit. I was so excited! I was crushed! I’m now 43 and can look back and see that just about EVERY relationship has followed the same pattern-meeting guy who seemed very into me and then the devaluation would began as soon as he got to know me. Finally, I would get the boot with the same line or some variation such as “Stacey, you are a wonderful, pretty, sweet, girl(or whatever other cliche he could come up with) and I really thought we had a good thing going, but when I laid eyes on Jennifer, Michelle, or whoever else happened to come along, I realized SHE was the one. Sometimes they weren’t even that nice about it. Then usually he would then marry Jennifer, Michelle, or whoever within just a few months and a baby would usually be born within a year or 2. I keep thinking What is it I’m missing?!!! These guys can be jerks but then turn around and meet someone else, get married, and live the great American dream and I’m still 43, alone, and heartbroken my life hasn’t turned out that way?

    I’ve always been a little shy(not too shy)and people describe me as very pretty, compassionate, and kind. I’m not conceited at all. They just can’t understand why I have had this pattern with men and are amazed that I can’t find anyone. My cousins husband, who is a very smart and good-looking guy, told her “I can’t understand why nobody has picked her. She has so much to offer. She is intelligent, pretty, and kind that it’s such a shame and a waste!”

    I want to figure out how to change this pattern because I don’t want to be old and alone. Numbers 3 & 5 are a different story & would take too long to go into.

  7. Hi Stacey,

    It can be so frustrating to be so misunderstood and my heart goes out to you. Somehow, people read you differently than you are presenting yourself. Is it possible you have an “I’m strong enough to make it on my own” vibe? Many women who have endured much unconsciously project a very strong armor. It can be hard to get past your defenses.

    I recommend that you check out The HeartBreak Erasers. You may find just what you are looking for! http://www.attractyoursoulmatenow.com/blog/heartbreak-erasers/

    Best of luck to you!

    Love,
    Catherine

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