Goose bumps are riding up and down my spine. My chest is buzzing 
with throbbing contractions that feel for all the world orgasmic. On my TiVo is James Durbin wailing on Uprising by Muse. I feel it in my body. Let me say that again. I feel that physical exhiliriation as if I were there. As if I were HIM.
Why is that such a big deal?
I am 58 and until four years ago, in the midst of cancer recovery, I discovered an entire family of physical feelings I never knew I had. During the David Cook season, I connected to the electricity of Idol. I thrilled with their courage. Young and poised beyond their years or my understanding, these performers moved me.
When the judges praised and acknowledged them for their gifts, their growth and their willingness to take the coaching and keep on trying, I cried over and over again. Never being much of a cryer, I couldn’t help the floods of tears that came over me while watching these kids receive validation for not only their talent, but their hard work honing it.
“Yo…Dawg.” Randy Jackson would start with week after week in his enthused cheerleading. I loved it! This season, Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez are even more inspiring as they honestly critique the contestants. There is no doubt about the love the judges have for these kids.
I kept the 2008 home town episode for a full two years. When David Archeletta, David Cook and Ayisha went to their home towns and were loved by their whole communities I felt that electric pulse as if I were there. I believe that learning how to have that feeling literally saved my life.
Even now, tears come to my eyes and my whole upper body swells when I remember that episode when the contestants are overcome by all the love being extended to them.
I cried and cried and allowed the feeling to engage me, enchant me and captivate me. The physical experience in my chest began to come more regularly, so to speak. There is a pulse to it. It is very strong and moves me to tears. Because I watched that episode over and over I have trained my brain to respond. It takes just moments, not really, it takes a nano second to ‘move’ my emotions thinking of David Cook, head bowed, shoulders shaking as he stood in front of his fans.
Now, James Durbin inspires the same feeling and I love it. James, a young man challenged with Tourette’s and Asperger’s syndromes, a dad and husband and all of 21 years old thrills me to my toes in an electric experience that feels like being plugged in to a 1000 watt line.
Today I don’t take this feeling for granted. I have a good friend, a fellow Snow White in my Single Girl Profiling System, who has been in my orbit for three years. Both of us guarded, we flow in and out of connection with one another. In a recent phone conversation, I asked if she felt goose bumps when I used a particular phrase to describe an idea.
She surprised me by saying no.
It made me ultra aware of how far I have come. I never understood what magnetism is supposed to feel like in my body. No one could teach me this and believe me, I searched everywhere for the answer.
And even though getting sick wouldn’t have been my first choice, it did give me laser focus on one desire…..to live. You see I was not an American Idol fan before 2007. I was mesmerized that year and tuned in to that great feeling whenever I could. Now I won’t miss it. I am in training. I want my body to feel that way as often as possible. Being in tune with whatever that is electric and makes everything seem possible.
All the work I have done in my mind and spirit has paid off and I am experiencing much success, but it is learning to plug my body into the loop that is changing everything. I am finding a new version of myself as I step out of mind habits of pain.
When you learn to produce that feeling of vicarious celebration for yourself, in your body whenever you feel like it, you will be irresistible. Nothing is sexier than a seriously happy woman. 🙂
Tune in to American Idol. I dare you to be uninspired. I dare you.
Speaking of which, I am going to rewind and watch James again right now!
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