“I never cry.” The young woman sitting across from me was clearly uncomfortable. Sharing the
story of her ex’s narcissistic cruelty, she struggled to hold herself together.
“Why do you think you block your tears?” I asked.
“I hate being weak,” she responded quickly and a bit defensively.
“I have been on my own since I was a kid and there is no time for falling apart.” Instantly back in control, she changed the subject as the waiter brought our coffee.
Did you know that women cry an average of 5.3 times a month? For years I didn’t cry for months at a time. I, like the young woman from above, was actually proud of the fact that I didn’t cry.
Years of anger, frustrated dreams and broken relationships had sealed my tears within. When I felt the familiar lump in my throat, I never allowed the tears that were calling to be shed to flow. I was too strong for that.
Little did I know that men actually do cry….only 1.4 times a month, but that tears flow for them too. Somehow I had decided that crying was something I could do without. Hmmm. Amazing how you can believe something that is so untrue. Do you believe that crying is weak? Does crying make you uncomfortable? Do you have a good cry at least once a month?
If not, you are missing out on an important “Love Potion” that your own amazing body is designed to provide.
Abraham Hicks teaches that the ultimate goal for your mindset is “Well-Being.” They have been teaching this simple truth for years. Now I LOVE Abraham, as you know, and I also teach the positivity message. Well today I have news for you.
TEARS ARE NOT NEGATIVE!
What? Isn’t sadness a low vibrating emotion? Aren’t you supposed to pivot and change your mindset ASAP so you can be in high vibrating well being? Yes and no….
Crying actually improves your well-being. It releases stress hormones from the body and increases the level of the body’s natural pain-killers endorphins. According to William Frey, former Research Director of the St. Paul-Ramsey Dry Eye and Tear Research Center, emotional tears contain: Leucine-enkephalin, a mood-elevating endorphin, ACTH, a hormone that is a reliable indicator of stress and Prolactin, the hormone that regulates milk production in mammals. (Thanks Dr. Brit Brogaard http://LovesickLove.com)
What does all this science talk prove? It shows that crying your eyes out will actually usher you into a feeling of well-being. And well-being is the state of Love. Let me repeat that. Well-Being equals Love. That means that your very own tears, that you can choose to release, are a Self Love Potion.
You may be conditioned to believe that the only way to feel Love is from another person’s attention. Can’t blame you there…look at what TV and movies have taught about Love. But the fact is, feeling loved is an inside job. And there is no stronger attraction than well-being. A woman in that state is irresistible.
The biggest single secret that I teach my clients is that they can feel loved completely before a partner shows up. How? It is that very feeling of well-being that guarantees it. So if you are one who routinely ignores the lump in your throat and doesn’t cry more than once a year or so, here are some thoughts for the day:
5 Keys to Finding and Using Your Magical Love Potion
1. Crying is not, I repeat, not a sign of weakness. Whatever made you choose to believe this complete untruth, it is time to break it. You need the Love Potion of tears. You will never get your man without them. I know that is strong, but you guys know I am the kind of coach that holds your feet to the fire. If you want to be irresistible, you must change this belief.
2. The experience of ‘broken-heartedness’ is not fatal. It is natural and good to feel your broken heart. The trick is not to dwell there. Allow the feelings to flow. Write a letter to the person who is bringing that feeling up in you. The young woman in the above story could write to her dad, even though he is gone.
I like to write fast and furious, letting my emotions flow on to the paper. I then burn the pages. There is something deep in the human heart that feels comfort in rituals. Share your feelings with the Divine and then let them go. What you are experiencing is real and if you hide from your broken-heartedness, the lump in your throat won’t let you forget.
3. If you wallow in the emotions as the tears are flowing, you are not going to attract negativity. You need your tears. You also need to wallow in self pity now and then. It is just a rest stop along your way to manifesting the positivity you crave. A good cry is like a thunderstorm.
Just like you hear thunder in the distance as a storm approaches, your body will start to feel a cry coming on. Your throat gets tight, eyes tingle, nose starts to stop up. Then the storm comes and it feels violent at times as your body convulses in weeping. But weeping never lasts forever.
I used to think that if I started to cry, I would never stop. Another absolutely wrong but real belief I lived with. After a thunderstorm, the air is clear and clean. Just like your sense of well-being….clear and clean. And you know the power clarity brings to the Law of Attraction, right?
4. If tears are not easy for you, you can trigger them. There is also a difference in how men and women cry. Men cry quietly and neatly, mostly in private and typically only when the losses are great. Women more often cry in public and they don’t always cry neatly. It may be easier for you to cry in private. That is fine.
I have a colleague who rents a sad movie when she needs a good cry. She gets a box of kleenex, cuddles under a blanket and has a full blown crying jag for the sake of the people in the movie. Some good ones are: Finding Neverland, Forever Young, Terms of Endearment, Schindler’s List or my all time fav…Hoosiers.
5. This Love Potion is really magic and you need it to manifest the love of your life. If you are not crying regularly, you are setting yourself up for trouble. When you do open your heart to your new love, the backlog of disappointment and hurt is going to come out. It is going to look like it is His Fault. You can see where I am going here. Make a plan to cry your little heart out once a month. A good solid boohoo will lift you into a new appreciation and experience of well-being. I promise.
Oh, by the way, how did this natural and powerful Love Potion change me? After years of not enough tears being shed, I ended up in a health crisis that nearly did me in. Three years ago, laying in bed and healing from a serious illness, I cried and cried and cried. I found a pocket of resentment I didn’t know I had. Being Snow White and dedicated to being seen as cheerful and positive, I had never allowed myself to see the resentment hiding behind my “strength.”
Now that I know the science behind tears, the beautiful, gentle and natural Love Potion given to us by the Divine, I have new respect for the power of those positive brain stimulated body chemicals. I cry now, whenever the urge strikes. I am not thrilled when I have what Oprah calls, the “ugly cry”. It always happens when I don’t wear water proof mascara. But I never have that huge awful lump in my throat anymore and that feels amazing.
Ready for love? Send me a note and let me know what is going on!
