Well, it is 60 degrees and sunny here in Southern California and I am feeling nostalgic.
Milwaukee is due for a heavy snowfall before Christmas and my two adult children will be celebrating with their dad.We have been divorced for several years and everything has settled into place. My ex and I don’t see each other much but our kids enjoy a good relationship with each of us.
I’m happy about that but I still feel an echo of sadness that our original family didn’t have the lasting power I hoped it would.The first couple of times that the kids were with their dad on a holiday, I got blindsided by sadness.I was surprised because I really am happy that they all get along so well.
Larry seems to always say the right thing when I am feeling disjointed.He reminds me that it is normal to feel sad about missing what might have been.He has been divorced for years longer than me.He still feels left out at times when his son and family are busy with their mom.
What I wish for this Christmas, for me, my hubby and all of us, is that we can become nostalgic for holiday memories in the past and carefully pick and choose the images that were priceless.
None of us married with a plan to get divorced.Life meanders along and these things happen.How sad if we lose the preciousness of memories of our kids’ innocent holiday experiences.
So I am enjoying my nostalgia.Sure, I may cry a bit as I take the inner journey to the past. This year instead of picking on myself about it, I am going to pat my inner self on the back and say….”Good for you!You are feeling real feelings and you are going to pass through the sadness.”
So in celebration of the positive parts of my past, I am sharing some of my favorite holiday memories with you:
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I was always up to the wee hours with Christmas details, procrastination was always an issue.One year, I swear I was only in bed for an hour and I heard something in the livingroom.I peeked out there and found my young daughter building the Barbie Ice Cream Parlor for herself in the glow of Christmas tree lights.It was tough to convince her that even though Santa had come, she needed to sleep for a couple more hours.
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In later years, we always allowed the kids to empty their Christmas stockings without our presence so we could sleep in til it was light out.One of my most favorite memories was when the kids filled surprise stockings for their dad and me.I was moved to tears by the selection of thoughtful little surprises they picked.
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Like my mom before me, I put out cookies and milk for Santa and a couple of carrots for the reindeer.In the morning, I laid out red paper footprints leading from the treats to the fireplace.Of course, my husband and I nibbled on the cookies and left a bit of carrot….evidence of the Big Guy’s visit.
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Another family tradition was to put up the Christmas nativity scene early in December.I kept the baby Jesus until Christmas morning so the manger was empty.We encouraged the kids to report to us when they saw anyone in the house doing a good deed.The good deed doer had the privilege of putting a straw in the manger….so baby Jesus would be more comfortable.What a great way to turn the tables on the steady stream of tattle taling that went on.
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Snow Ice Cream.Oh yes, I can remember this from my childhood and passing the tradition to my kids.When snow was freshly fallen, we would fill a coffee cup with the white stuff and then pour maple syrup on it!YUM!
What about you?Are there some Christmas traditions you recall with a smile on your face?
If Christmas is sad for you this year, I am sending a HUGE electronic hug to you.It may sting now but it will get better.I promise.No one can take the sweet memories from you.As my now husband says to me every year…part of your life with your ex was really good.We were all wide eyed and hopeful about our lives.If your marriage didn’t make it, accept it, forgive yourself for your part in it all and reach out to your friends for company.
Remember, what you focus on expands.If you catch yourself moping around, gently remind yourself to focus on something that makes you feel better.It will get easier.
