Special Guest Post By Nathalia N. Cruz Ortiz
Once the papers are signed, it is only the start of the journey. It is not unusual to feel like you are the broken one, the one who f*cked everything up, the one left alone to recover. I have good news for you.
There is abso-f*cking-lutely nothing wrong with you.
Go to the first mirror you can find. Look deeply into your own eyes and say this out loud, “There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.” Now, say it while not breaking eye contact, but this time, say it louder, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.
Why do I ask for you not to break eye contact? Avoiding eye contact is often a symptom of low self esteem. Not so long ago I was convinced that there was indeed something wrong with me. By maintaining eye contact while I said those words, little by little, I started believing in them and in myself again.
But wait, your marriage fell apart so there has to be something wrong with you, right? No, there is nothing wrong with YOU, but of course there IS something wrong with the way you do relationships, or you wouldn’t be reading this.
Who hasn’t f*cked up in some way or another when trying to get the love we need? Sigmund Freud said “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” When you start to discover who you really are and start questioning why in the world you chose to marry your ex, things change.
Your definition and experience with crazy will shift.
During the last legs of my marriage I felt at odds with the world around me. I couldn’t concentrate. I felt like a hamster on its wheel, going round and round with no destination, regardless of all the amazing goals I had for myself. I started questioning everything. I felt this emptiness inside of me. I even felt disconnected from God. It DOES feel like you are going crazy.
From a very young age, I felt different. I used to hate it. Being different meant being lonely. People didn’t get me and I felt like there was something wrong with me. Unknowingly, I measured my self worth by other people’s reactions towards me.
When my marriage fell apart, I felt like I was under a spotlight so I upped and moved to Miami, just to make sure my life was challenging enough.
Shaking up my life like that taught me that people project their own insecurities and fears on others all the time. Being a stranger in a strange new world let me be me in a new environment and I learned it is not my responsibility to fix anyone except for myself. Now many months into the process, I see myself with new self compassionate eyeballs.
I am different and that doesn’t make me crazy.
I can proudly acknowledge that I am different and that doesn’t make me crazy. Once I knew there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, I was ready to make some difficult choices. By accepting that my ultimate goal is to simply be happy, I understood that achieving success would come with tons of amazing challenges and joys. The operative word being “amazing” because at times I never thought anything good would have come from the emotional pain I was in.
Failures are unknown opportunities.
When you follow the path of less resistance, which is when you follow your heart to what the Universe and God’s path has intended for you, everything will work itself out. When I trusted and walked towards and thru this unique path, grabbing fear by its hand, it led me to an amazing adventure through my divorce and on to what is a pretty phenomenal single life.
Failures are unknown opportunities. You are not crazy. The Universe and God make no mistakes. Your purpose in life is to make others feel loved and appreciated. When you do that without expecting anything in return, the Universe and God will reward you with much more than you can imagine. Be different. Be brave. Be you! You are an amazing being brought to this f*cked up world to make it better just by being your spectacular self!
