“It’s been a year since he left me and I still can’t move on.”
The voice on the other end of the phone dripped with emotion. Voice shaking, she went on to tell her story. A quickie divorce ended her 15 year marriage to the love of
her life. She came home one day and he was gone.
“I haven’t loved you in years.” The note on the kitchen table said. “You may not be able to see it now, but someday you will thank me for this”
WHAT?
As I listened to the quiet sobbing on the other end of the phone, tears came to my own eyes. I know what it feels like to be abandoned. How about you? Are you still wrapped up tight in the pain of your breakup? Are you embarrassed because you didn’t see it coming? Are you terrified to move forward and not sure what to do?
It is 100% normal to feel these things. Countless people STAY in bad relationships because they are terrified by another breakup. You may think you are hopelessly lost but at least you are out of the relationship and that is a good thing. Even if you can’t see that right now.
You can learn how to let go of your ex. Here are three steps you can take today to start finding your way out of the dark.
1. Stop Picking On Yourself. How many times have your criticized yourself in the days since your breakup? Thoughts like “How could I have been such an idiot?” “What is wrong with me?” “I’ll never trust a man again.” “I am doomed to attracting emotionally vacant women.”
You have to stop doing this. As Louise Hay says, “Stop terrifying yourself.” I know you went through the worst breakup ever, but believe it or not, the breakup IS NOT HURTING YOU! It is your THOUGHTS about the break up that are killing you. The good news is you are the only one who can change your thoughts. Pretty good news when you feel so out of control right now.
2. Get Your Emotional Turmoil Out Of You. Write letters to your ex and burn them or take a black crayon and scribble on as many pieces of paper as you need to. I know this sounds lame and seems like putting a bandaid on an amputation.
I know everything in you resists this but, and this is a big but, can’t you feel your thoughts running around in a never ending circle? A part of you is hanging on to the pain with all its might. Strange but true.
A part of you does not want to recover? Why? Could be that being in pain is the only way you can create a cushion of safety around yourself so you won’t try again and invest in a new Love? Security is a strong motivator. Fear of abandonment can keep you stuck.
If you write your heart out and tell the no good S.O.B what you think about what he did and then BURN it, you will feel empowered. You will feel more secure and calmer.
3. Get Help. Send out an SOS to your closest friends. Get some advice on where you can get some support. One of your friends has an experience just like yours. Ask how they moved on. My first step was Al-Anon. That wonderful group of people helped me face the inevitable.
Besides that, it was Emotional Freedom Technique that turned my life around. EFT allowed me to forgive myself and everyone else who added to the drama. EFT also helped me accept my clairvoyance and opened me to seeing the world with completely different eyes. Each person has to find their own answer in this journey toward healing but when you share your resources, you find the direction you need.
Remember that the best revenge is a happy life. Put that ex behind you once and for all and find a way to be happy again. It is SO worth the effort. You are a beautiful person who trusted and loved and grew. You can do that again if you choose to, pick a strategy and find a way to move forward. I believe in you.
Shameless Self Promotion:
When I left my narcissistic ex husband, I was scared into silence for years. With the help of energetic healing techniques like #EFT and books like #E-Squared by Pam Grout, I am now thriving again. I am living happily on my own and have restored my own self confidence and passion. If that sounds like something you are looking for, I urge you to check out The Wonder Woman Experiment. See you on the other side!
I broke up with my ex of 7 years and almost 10 years later now, I’m married to someone else but I keep remembering my ex and I feel like I still love him. Why can’t I let go of him? is this normal? why do I miss him? I am happy in my marriage, but there’ s a part of me that pines for my ex.
What is it that you miss in your ex? Whatever it is you miss, you need to fulfill that by asking your current partner, or writing it down & filling that through friends, interests, activities etc. Whatever it is that you miss, you have that within you as well. Try sharing those aspects towards others and it will come back to you in different forms, doesn’t have to be by your ex if you are already happy 🙂
Thanks for stopping by, Lauren! You have a beautiful website and I notice you are a fellow Brad Yates fan. He is the best, isn’t he? Have a lovely day!